The Genre Stories

HEAVY METAL
The protagonist arrives on a harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few beers and fucks the princess.

POWER METAL
The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted forest.

THRASH METAL
The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princess and fucks her.

FOLK METAL
The protagonist arrives with some friends playing acordions, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls asleep (because of all the dancing). Then all leave...without the princess.

VIKING METAL
The protagonist arrives in a long-ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe, skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals her belongings and burns the castle before leaving.

PIRATE METAL
The protagonist arrives in a mighty ship, and he and his crew slaughter the dragon. He then drinks alot of rum, fucks the princess, and his crew ransack the castle, taking anything of value. Finally they leave with the treasure, but not the princess, as they dare not take a woman to sea.

DEATH METAL
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, fucks the princess and kills her, then leaves.

BLACK METAL
The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it in front of the castle. Then he sodomizes the princess, drinks her blood in a ritual before killing her. Then he impales the princess next to the dragon.

GORE METAL
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in front of the castle, fucks the princess and kills her.Then he fucks the dead body again, slashes her belly and eats her guts. Then he fucks the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and fucks it for the last time.

GRIND METAL
The protagonist arrives, screams something completely undecipherable for about 2 minutes and then leaves...

DOOM METAL
The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks he could never beat him, then he gets depressed and commits suicide. The dragon eats his body and the princess as dessert. That's the end of the sad story.

GOTHIC METAL
The princess in a velvet costume starts singing soprano. The protagonist completes the duett by adding the beast part, while the dragon plays the flute. Suddenly he swallows up the pipe and accidently scorches the beauty and the beast and suffocates to death. All their souls are damned in hell's eternity.

PROGRESSIVE METAL
The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes. The dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and tunes he learned in the last year of the conservatory. The princess escapes looking for the Heavy Metal protagonist.

SYMPHONIC METAL
The protagonist arrives with an orchestra and small chior, and duals the dragon accompianied by a movie-style epic soundtrack. He is eventually victorious, but when he finally slays the beast, the princess runs off with one of the violinists.

INDUSTRIAL METAL
The protagonist arrives wearing greasy overcoat, makes an obscene gestures towards dragon, and gets escorted out of fairy tale land by security guards.

SPEED METAL
Suddenly there, short solo, dragon is confused, someone's screaming weird stuff, princess realizes she's been deflowered, dragon and princess are still looking for the one who did this.

CHRISTIAN METAL
The protagonist rides in on his way home from church and sings a mushy power ballad to the dragon about how much Jesus loves him and that the dragon should turn to Him. The Dragon is immediately converted, and when the princess wants to 'thank' the protagonist he replies, "Sorry, but I don't believe in having sex before marriage."

GLAM METAL
The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and lets him enter. He steals the princess' make up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink color.

BATTLE METAL
The protagonist arrives with a legion of a hundred brave footman, war chariots and a dozen elite warriors and, as a master tactician, flanks the dragon in a bloody siege that lasts six hours. The princess gets bored.

NU METAL
The protagonist arrives only to find himself severelly weakened in the true metal world without aid from the powers of rap and hardcore, and is eaten by the Dragon.

EMO
The protagonist sees the dragon and moans about how hard it will be to get the princess to fall in love with him, so he slits his wrists, committing suicide. The Dragon gets pissed off that he didn't at least get to fight, and starts torching the enchanted forest, but the princess isn't all that bothered, because he was a whiny *** anyway.

ROFLMFAO!!!

Grindcore one made me laugh. Pretty awesome post. +rep.

LOL I didn't write it. I just saw it and copied and pasted it. Thought it was pretty funny.

Generic post saying this is stupid and lame

Taxer666 wrote:

Generic post saying this is stupid and lame

generic try hard tr0ll

I love you too, Taxer.

We should have a Taxer appreciation day.

VacuousReality wrote:

We should have a Taxer appreciation day.

maybe Caturday...

Trolling is not cool at all- its annoying

That's hilarious man

power metal is wrong

it should be

the protagonist (who has the power to change into a dragon) rides in on a dragon, slays another dragon, saves the princess then makes love to her on the dragon while fighting more dragons.


some of them seemed weak like they werent thought out that much. but there were some pretty great ones. grind got me big time. just the visualization of it lol

I think the grindcore and the industrial one were the best lol.

This was funny the first 100 times I read it

they missed Drone
DRONE METAL
The protagonist arrives from beyond the cold void of space and tiem, desintegrates the dragon's brain with an endless distorded guitar riff that last almost 400 years, puts on a dark priest hood and forces the princess to suffer eternally in an endless monotonous cycle of fucking...

ImendiaBurzum wrote:

forces the princess to suffer eternally in an endless monotonous cycle of fucking...

Missionary position....*dramatic psycho music*

The speed metal one was the best. LOL

METAL CRISTIANO ...
The protagonist returns home from church and sings a soft power ballad to the dragon how much Jesus loves you and that the dragon back to him. The Dragon is immediately converted, and when she wants to "thank" the protagonist says,Sorry, but I do not believe in sex before marriage

GLAM METAL The protagonist arrives ...
the dragon laughs at the appearance of Guy and his capture. He steals the princess of makeup and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink color.

Battle Metal . ...
The protagonist arrives with a legion of a hundred brave footman war tanks and a dozen elite warriors and, as a tactician, flanks the dragon in a bloody siege that lasts six hours. The princess gets bored.

NU METAL The protagonist arrives ....
to find severelly weakened in the World Metal itself without the help of the powers of rap and hardcore, and it is eaten by the dragon.

...WTF?

That was copied, pasted, slightly edited and given lightsabers...